Interlude;

For Things Handwritten

It is dark twilight and the moon will be full in a couple of days. I never know what time of day it will be when I visit this place. I don't really know how time works here, or if it even moves like I would expect it to. I never last long enough here to be able to track it. Most often, I seem to arrive in the coming night when this land and its inhabitants start to become as loud as they are quiet. I prefer it this way too, as there are less visitors and more a chance to be alone with Spirit when I can find her. There have been plenty of times where I leave fruitless, having found her preoccupied with someone else, or sleeping peacefully on the ground or in a tree. The worst is when she is nowhere to be seen at all.

Walking up to the front door feels so, monumental. The moment, and the actual door. I haven't ever bothered to come this close to the door before and I still have not gone inside the house. Standing far back enough to be able to take in the whole thing, it becomes a tori gate in its own right. You can't help but contemplate what it means to cross a threshold when you're standing at a monument like this. I know Spirit designed it this way purposefully. I can only note pieces of the artistry from where I'm standing, since Spirit rarely turns on artificial lights for any reason at all, ever. It's no wonder she’s always squinting.

I would love to graze my fingers along the details of the door and to finally see the inside of the house, but every time I've actually been able to find Spirit alone in my visits here, she's wandering into the pathless woods and I always follow. It would feel too unceremonious to just walk through these doors after all this time. It will be a coming-of-age ritual once I've really got my sealegs, but until that time comes I want to court them. Crossing through them doesn't feel nearly as important as knowing them. For someone who lives between several places where time is redundant, I sure am persistent about taking things slow.

I was still staring up at my crush when I saw something white flit in the left side of my periphery, and so I made my way toward her once again, together through the pathless woods.

_______________________________________

It was midday and I was lying on Main deck with Snow, Havnamara, Lahood, and all three of the Young Nameless. It had been a quiet day on the ship, one for tending and tidying, and it was time for a break. I'd planned to go take a nap in my cubby, but Kimyona had instructed the seven of us to spend time together on Main. She said it was Spirit's request that we do so, because I'd been weeks on the ship and still didn't know much about Sky's life.

I'd become used to seeing the Young Nameless all together and Snow, Havnamara, and Lahood all together. I saw the two sets of them as three evolutions, like pokémon.

The littlest Young Nameless we called 9. She is first the youngest and as well the oldest. 9 evolved into S, who morphs between all the ages from thirteen to seventeen. From S came Nemo, who completed Sky's childhood. I've asked why they don't answer to these names, and was told that the Young Nameless don't actually know them. The other women on the ship call them by these names when they need to reference them. When I first arrived here I kept trying to address them accordingly thinking they would catch on, but they pointedly do not respond to anything other than terms of endearment.

Snow came after Nemo as a symbol of Sky becoming a lady. She italicized lady when she spoke of this, because Sky is not yet a woman even now, according to Comet. Snow's era was most prominently between twenty-two and twenty-three, but things were still erratic on the ship then, so her time was a lot less consistent. Snow evolved into Havnamara, who laid the groundwork for this ship to run like it does, and is still mostly an enigma to me. When Havnamara had done her duty, Lahood was born.

Lahood has deemed her era nearing completion, so here I am lying next to each of them, staring at the clouds. I am first the oldest and as well the youngest. Excluding Spirit, of course, I don't know where to place her in all of this, yet.

The other women on the ship are just as key for our ship, but they were born from momentous expression rather than era. So, because there is no need for Shadow to walk with them as often, they are the true caretakers of our ship. They are often busier than these six lying next to me, so I haven't spent as much time with them. I'm getting curious enough to change that soon.

"Will you guys tell me about Louisiana?"

I figured since they were all here with me it would be a great time to ask about where we come from. I've been looping on the From and Home comment Kimyona made that one morning.

No one made any motion at my question and I checked a hesitancy among them all. I couldn't pinpoint whether the hesitancy was out of respect for who was most qualified to talk on our From, or if it was somehow a sore topic.

"I can recall some scenes of Louisiana, but there's no feelings or descriptions around it. I need help remembering."

"Remembering ain't really of the mind, that's why you can't feel anything from those scenes. Cuz if you been to Louisiana you remember her. Rememberin's more of the body."

This was the first time S spoke directly to me, and I noticed how she gave Louisiana a 'she'. S is often running around with 9 or playing faraway games with Crawly, and she is the only one of us whose features and height morphs to the age or behaviors she's expressing. Sometimes she's something shut down and reserved, other times she is something mean. Her silence is mean, her words are mean. When I watch her move about the ship I often feel the impulse to snatch her and squeeze her tightly until she thrashes and kicks and cries.

"Mmm," I said cautiously, "I don't think Sky is planning to go back there for a while so I won't get to know Louisiana for myself until then."

"Yeah, we'll be sharing Shadow time when she goes back," S said without looking at me. She was still lying flat staring up at the clouds above us as I noticed everyone else had begun to sit up or roll over, giving attention to S. Lightly, so as not to run her off. Her comment surprised me, considering old eras don't normally come back out much.

I figured I was in a lucky moment for her to be talking to me so willingly, so instead of pushing for clarification on that I moved back to my original inquiry.

"Could you tell me what its like to remember Louisiana from your body? I think it would be rude to show up without any context."

She closed her eyes with an annoyed inhale. She lifted her legs up toward the sky and rocked them forward to sit up."The others can tell you their stories then, but you still won't get it."

I looked over to Nemo for some help, and her expression said she was plenty ready to tap in to the conversation. "Aw come on, miss sugacane, we all love when you talk about your life. You're best suited for talking about Louisiana, anyhow."

"Any one of ya'll could talk about her, too. Ya'll lived there same as me."

"NmmNmm, not the same love." Snow chimed in this time, "We didn't live there like you lived there."

S looked over to 9 and said with increased annoyance, "Why aren't you pipin up? Why can't you talk about her?"

9 did not back down, she never does. "I was little and too busy taking care of people to notice anything bout Louisiana. I din even know there were places outside of Louisiana til you told me bout Mama Mia." Her sassiness amused me.

"It doesn't do any good to talk about her," S grumbled.

I didn't feel like me speaking up would aid the conversation so I let all the others lead her through.

"What do you mean, babe? I didn't know you missed her so much." Lahood said with concern. Havnamara was nodding behind her.

"Miss her? Fuck that, it's not like that. Its- I don't-" S had morphed from a middle schooler to a teenager as she stood up, and she was eating her words. She looked down, frustrated.

9 stood up beside her and touched S’s hand lightly."Just tell ‘er a little about From."

S's eyes jumped onto mine. She lifted her chin and took another breath. "I don't know how to talk about Louisiana in a way that I like yet." She paused for a moment as she took in my expression. "People always get confused when I try, because they don't know her for themselves."

This I understood. I thought again of how free the Sky must feel without language to compress her, and the way I want to come to know the doors of our home without anyone else's description of them. I understood.

Smiling to her, I said, "Will you try writing a little about her instead then? I promise to come to know Louisiana for myself when it's time, but in the meantime I want to know a taste of what it might be like for my body to remember her."

S looked from me to Lahood, then couldn't decide where she wanted to look. "We can write to you instead of telling the stories out loud?"

I shrugged, "I don't see why not.”

"I agree, it would be probably be nice to have some stories to listen to and some to read," Lahood said.

"And this way you won't always be waiting to take turns asking us questions, so you'll probably absorb more. I bet Spirit would like this idea plenty." Snow chirped.

I looked toward S again, who had sat back down as a fourteen year old with arms and legs crossed.

"Whatdya say miss sugarcane?"

She said it tightlipped, "I will try to write about her, but you better hold to your promise."