Chapter2: Heartburn Is A Serious Thing

Brandy - Ashlyn - Sage

Ashlyn: “Before this? Before being pregnant? Not really because I started my high school stuff so young. Parties and stuff… It was old by the time I got pregnant. I was ready. I had nothing better to do. I've always wanted to be a mom. That's why it wasn't just like any teenager getting pregnant. I didn’t care. I wanted her. I couldn't wait to be a mom. It just happened early, which is fine. I was always the mom of my group of friends.”

Brandy: “I’ve heard some parents say that their daughters having a baby at a young age is what saved them. You know, they were getting into stuff. I think Sage was Ashlyn’s saving grace.”

Ashlyn: “You act like I was just crazy in high school.”

Brandy: “Things that I didn't think she should be doing, she was doing.” 

Skylar: “Everybody is so different when it comes to the age they experience things. Maybe you just needed to experience things early.”

Ashlyn: “That’s what I was saying.”

Brandy: “Since she was a little girl, she’s always wanted a baby.”

Ashlyn: “Everything is very simple and to the point right now. We have an everyday routine. We have play time in the morning. And then we go up for a morning nap and eat. She’s starting to eat baby food. I make all of it. Every two hours she drinks a bottle and goes down for a nap. Pretty simple. She could be outside all day. I could put her on her swing and she just.. It’s the only thing to entertain her. If we are inside then she gets bored. At night time she goes to bed around 7:30-8. Sometimes she will go through a few days on a good sleeping schedule and then days where she will wake up some. It's like she can't get comfortable. We got her a crib but that hasn’t gone well either because she still wakes up. So it's easier for me and Spencer to have her. Right next to us.”

Brandy: “She’s a great mama. She is. She's a wonderful mama. She’s more mature, now. She probably doesn't want to realize this or admit this but she is so much like me with how weird she is with how her baby’s protected. It's funny how she picks up on that. Germophobic. But things have to be done a certain way. She doesn't like just anybody holding her. I think she understands now how I hurt for my kids- she hurts.

Ashlyn: “Why are you getting so sentimental about this?”

Brandy: “You hurt when she's upset or hurt. That feeling you don't get till you have a baby.”

Ashlyn: “I get why you were so protective and things like that. In the beginning, her as a newborn, my biggest fear was her not knowing who her mom was.”

Brandy: “Is that what it was?”

Ashlyn: “Yeah. I wouldn't want people to hold her for a long time.” 

Brandy: “See, I knew the hard things about having a baby, but she would never let me hold her. I didn’t get to tend to her much when she was a newborn and I was all butthurt. I was gonna miss out on my newborn grandbaby, but that bonding is important. It was just for Spencer and her, the bonding time.”

Ashlyn: “I missed my period. It had been a while and we were like, ‘…oh shit.’ So we got something from a dollar store. I was in my bathroom right by my room and I took the test. I said- ‘Spencer it’s positive!’ He was just smiling. He didn't even think twice about it. He said, ‘We’re fine. I can do it.’ I wasn't worried about it at all. I understand if someone was in my same position, it might be a lot different. But I knew my mom would always be there. I don't know what I would do without her. Taking breaks and stuff. She's obsessed with Sage so it’s easy to just go give Sage to her for 30 minutes. She’s a lot of fun, too, so that made it a lot easier for me. And of course him- he works all the time so that I don't have to. The situation I am in works.

 Brandy: “It’s so common to see young girls have babies and then you don't see the father. This one- I never expected things to work out like this with Spencer and he's amazing to both of them. He’s very mature for his age. He works hard to take care of his girls. He leaves at what.. 4:30 in the morning. Insulates houses in Lake Charles. My husband works offshore, and we talked to Spencer about this. But, he doesn't want to leave his girls and miss out on her growing up. I’ve seen him work 7 days a week. Even before Sage was born, during the summer time even, he was working.

A: He will. If there is work, he will.

Ashlyn: “With mom I told her to come to my room and I actually set up my phone to record.  Yeah… but it didn't go how I thought it would go. There was no reaction. I sat her on the bed and she knew. I pulled out the test and she just kinda looked at me… and nothing, she didn't say anything. She ran out and went to her room.”

Brandy: “Do you know what I was worried about? After I had accepted it, it was her body. I had a lot of physical problems with Ashlyn, but I had her when I was older. I was worried about her little body. She’s so little, how is she gonna have a baby? Ashlyn was recording my reaction when she told me and deleted it because it didn't go as planned. I thought, ‘What’s wrong? What’s happening to me?’ And then I was throwing up. I didn’t want to look at her for a couple of weeks. She was… This was the best thing that has ever happened to her. Her and Spencer for sure. But when she told me I started throwing up for hours, I couldn't stop throwing up. I hate to say that. I did for what- 2 weeks? It was not real until I saw Sage’s heart beat for the first time. And then I thought, ‘Wow it’s real. It’s happening.’ I can’t imagine.. I still look at her and feel guilty. I can’t imagine life without her now. And the birth was unbelievable. Her labor was so intense until she had her epidural. I could not but cry watching my baby have her baby. I mean I was right there at the bottom watching her come out and everything. I couldn't see my own come out, you know? It was amazing.”

Ashlyn: “That tuesday morning she was ready to come out. Oh my gosh. I swear, I blacked out. Like period cramps times my lower stomach just twisting itself. Yeah, it was awful. I went from 3 centimeters to 7 centimeters in 30 minutes. You're supposed to get your epidural when you’re 3 centimeters and when 3 centimeters came, I was in so much pain. But when I got an epidural everything was great. It was smooth pushing. We were laughing through it after the epidural. It was all good. That part was really good. Every thirty minutes they would come change the pads with all the blood and there were so many people coming in and out of the room. I’m trying to breastfeed- trying to learn how to breastfeed. I didn't want anyone in the room after. I just wanted to hold her. I felt good. I didn't tear or anything, I woke up and was going. But I’m telling you if mom wasn't there… The only thing that was bad after was peeing. That lasted a while, the burning while you pee. But other than that, my healing was good.”

Ashlyn: “But yeah, heartburn. Heartburn is a serious thing.”

Skylar: “Heartburn?”

Ashlyn: “Heartburn. Apparently there’s an old wive’s tale that the more heartburn you have the more hair the baby will have. It’s just an old tale, but she definitely has a lot of hair. I kind of think of my heart “burning” for sage as in hurting for her. All the times she’s fallen while learning to pull up on things… mannnn, it hurts to see that. My heart burns when it comes to her. Anywhere from her life being taken in a sudden drastic way, to her not feeling good enough about herself growing up. There’s all kinds of things that pass your mind as a mom. But you have to accept that these things happen to all babies as a way of learning and growing. Growing up your parents always say, ‘you’ll see one day.’ As much as you don’t wanna believe it then, it’s so true. It helps you understand why parents are the way they are. You’re literally responsible for another life and it’s the one that you cherish most.”

March 1, 2020